


Choosing Sides

by iulia_linnea



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: snapecase, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 09:36:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9541763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iulia_linnea/pseuds/iulia_linnea
Summary: Severus isn't so much choosing sides as he is taking what he can get. (See warnings in notes.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to revisit my thoughts about Severus and Petunia since writing "A Brief Exercise in Self-Occlumency" for the 2009 run of the [ownficfest](http://ownficfest.livejournal.com/9876.html). Writing this fic for the 2017 run of [snapecase](http://snapecase.livejournal.com/48484.html) gave me the opportunity to do so. Yay, snapecase! Thank you, Pam and Shog, for beta'ing.
> 
> WARNINGS: for teen/teen sexual activity and mention of sexual abuse of an unknown character.

Petunia's blonde hair smells like chemicals, probably the ones from her Muggle conditioning rinse, but perhaps not; Severus knows that she uses some sort of spray to keep it stiff.

Stiff, that's exactly what he is as he traces the contours of Petunia's nipples through her bra. She's leaning against him whilst they gaze up at the stars in his and Lily's place.

 _Our special, secret place_ , he thinks, as anger—at Lily, Petunia, himself, who the hell knows—makes him tweak her stiff flesh too hard.

"Stupid boy!" Petunia practically shouts, her bum pressing back too firmly the wrong way against his erection as she gets to her feet. "That hurt."

"Sorry. I'm sorry!" He isn't, not really, except for the part of him that wants to shag her, even if she did just hurt it. "Petunia, don't go," he says, casting his voice low and smooth at her back.

She turns to face him; his cock twitches.

"Don't go. You just . . . you've just got me so—mrmph!"

Petunia's not too careful with his body, either. She lands on his chest and stretches out over his entire length, one knee coming up a bit too high as she knocks him flat. She almost gags him with her tongue, too, but as they settle into something resembling a rhythm, he doesn't care. The friction is too good.

"Fuck," Petunia spits, as Severus thrusts too fingers under the gusset of her knickers and into her cunt.

"Hurt you?"

"Did you?" she says, fucking herself on his fingers. "Yes, but don't! Don't stop."

He doesn't. He frots himself against one of her bony thighs, timing the thrusts of his hips with those of his fingers.

 _So wet, so wet_. Petunia's cunt and mouth, both—Severus can barely contain himself. "Want to . . . want to be inside you."

"Rub me, rub me . . . there," she replies, pulling up and off his fingers.

Severus moves quickly to turn Petunia onto the ground and slide down her thighs, pushing them roughly apart as he settles between them. "I can do better than that," he says, not waiting for her permission to do anything.

She tastes of yoghurt and berries and . . . and something else, something that makes him wonder if Lily would taste like it, too. Her cunt is everything he never thought it would be, and hearing her scream her tiny little gasping screams—it's too much. Severus loses control of his hips while shuddering through an orgasm.

"Don't you dare stop."

Severus doesn't. "Boss—bossy bitch, aren't you?"

"Fingers. Inside of me. Now. And your tongue, and that awful, horrid tongue!"

He feels drained, irritated, but he's still half-hard, and she's still a willing girl. He presses his face into her cunt and jams his tongue up inside her as far as he can. Petunia grabs his hair and pulls.

"Damn it!" he shouts.

"I told you, use your fucking fingers—and suck me . . . there."

"It's called your clit, you stu—"

Petunia shoves his head into her cunt. The scent of it makes him forget his anger and suck her. There. Hard.

The sound she makes, well, Severus' never heard anyone make any sound even remotely like it. He presses his fingers against the wall of her cunt and rubs and rubs and rubs until . . . .

"Yes! Inside. Do it, do it now!"

Severus is almost fully erect again as he claws his way up Petunia's body before shakily jerking down his trousers and ratty old y-fronts.

Even at such a time, he's passingly grateful that she can't see them.

One fumbling thrust later, he's never been harder. 

_Inside. Inside!_

He's inside of a girl, and she's tight. She's hot. She's so fucking wet, and he slides in and out of her without thinking of anyone or anything else but the soft, grasping friction of her pulling him in and pushing him out.

_In, inside, inside of a girl. I'm—_

Petunia issues a strangled cry and her muscles clench at his cock as Severus feels his balls tighten with the knowledge.

 _I made you come_. He thrusts harder, deeper, faster. Sharp lightning silver rushes up his spine and a cry, from his mouth. _I'm making you come!_

It's Severus' last conscious thought.

~*~

He wakes up sore and sticky and so . . . happy? He isn't sure. Petunia isn't who he wants here with him. He doesn't love Petunia.

 _Lily won't fuck me. Lily hates me_ , he thinks, blinking the sleep from his eyes and taking a deep, shaking breath. "Where are you?"

"Oh, I'm right here."

 _Fuck_. 

It isn't Petunia. She's gone, for how long, Severus doesn't know. He only knows that he's cold, cold and scared. 

"Lily?"

Backlit by the moon, she steps into their special place, the one he's so recently violated. "You'd best pull those up," she tells him, her head dipping down towards his body.

"Oh, no!" Severus' legs fail him as he tries to pull up his clothing. "Lily, please. I can explain!"

"You don't owe me any explanation, but if I'm a 'Mudblood'"—and nothing in any of Petunia's tones could match the strength of invective in Lily's now—"what's my sister to you? Does she know what you think of her kind? Do you think she's free for your use because she has no magic?"

Severus does up his buttons and stands so fast that he makes himself dizzy. "I don't love her!"

It's the wrong thing to have said; he realises it at once, but he can't force the words he needs out of his mouth.

_Love you, love you, love—_

"I know you don't! Of course you don't love her! How dare you touch her? How dare you? I know you hate her. What could you have possibly said to convi—"

His kiss is too hard, forced, all wrong. He knows that he should stop, but he can't.

 _Love you. You're mine. Mine, Lily. Mine_.

Lily brings down her heel onto his instep and pushes him away. "You. Awful. Fuck! Severus, how can you be kissing me after—how could you have slept with—we were, were friends, and you—"

"I didn't mean it!" Severus shrieks, as Lily begins to turn away. "Petunia doesn't mean anything to me, and I didn't mean to call you—I didn't mean to say it!"

"Liar!" Lily spins to face him. "You're a liar!"

"How can you call me that? You know me!" Severus shouts, desperate for something to do with his hands.

He's clenching them so tightly that his knuckles hurt.

"I know you?" demands Lily, advancing on him. "I do? You, the boy who let his friends hurt—"

"Lily, don't. Don't talk about Mulciber and Avery again. They were only—"

"Joking? You still think that it was all a joke? Severus, they half-raped a girl with Dark magic! How is that fu—oh, my God. You, you didn't."

It's difficult to see Lily's face clearly, but Severus knows her tone; it's of horror. It doesn't take him any time at all to get where she's gone.

"No! How could you even—Lily, I didn't. Not Petunia. No one. I'd never!"

It's only at this moment of protestation that Severus realises that Lily's got her wand out. She's pointing it down, but's she's still drawn it.

"I don't know you, Severus Snape. You're a stranger to me. You shag girls you despise. You stand by and watch your friends use Unspeakable magic on girls. You call your best, your only friend—"

He can't help it. He moves to embrace her, and Lily brings up her wand.

"Lily," Severus says, his hands up and in front of his body, open, placating, "Lily, I didn't hurt Petunia. I, she, we—"

"You have no excuse for what you said. You meant that. You really believe I'm less than you."

Close as they are, now, he can make out the sheen of her tears. "Don't say that! Don't cry. Don't—"

"Don't tell me what to do! You . . . you stay away from my sister."

"Petunia hates you, Lily! How can you defend her?"

"And how can you touch her? Why?"

Severus wants to tell Lily that he loves her, but he can't. He's just fucked her sister, and he did call her a Mudblood.

 _Stupid. I've been so stupid_ , he thinks, so distracted that he loses the thread of their conversation. "They hurt me. I was angry at them, not you, and I shouldn't have—"

He can see her shake her head as she hugs herself and sighs. "Sev, Severus, what they did to you was wrong, but that's not the problem here, don't you get it?"

"No," he says, hating his voice for the tears in it. _Lily, Lily, Lil—_

"Mulciber and Avery used Dark magic to 'play' with a girl against her will because they could, because they thought she was lesser, and you . . . you did nothing to stop them."

 _Even though I could have done_ , Severus thinks, damning himself; he knows more curses than any of his friends. Severus tries to speak, but the words don't come.

"You did nothing, and you kept being their friend."

He finds his words. "But you know what it's like. I've told you."

"You could ask a professor, the Headmaster, for help. If it's as bad in Slytherin as you sa—"

"Lily, he's coming. He's gathering followers. He's powerful!"

"Yes, and you should want to be on the winning side!"

"I do! The Dark Lord will wi—"

Suddenly, Lily's fists are balled in Severus' collar and she's shaking him. "He won't. He won't! He won't win if we fight him! How can you take his side? How can you?"

"How can you be 'friends' with Potter?" Severus hates himself for asking the question, but it burns in his throat so badly he has to spit it out.

"We're not friends, not really, but we will be on the right side, the winning side. Together."

Severus grabs Lily by the shoulder, half in anger, half to comfort her as she begins to sob.

"No," she insists, pushing at his chest as he draws her against him and breathes her in. "No, it's a lie. You don't mean any of this. No."

Severus means a lot of things he only half-understands, but all of him loves Lily, wants Lily. _Need you, need you so much_.

When he feels her hold him back, he almost collapses in relief.

"Lily. Oh, Lily, I will make it up to you. I'll make all of it up to you." He can feel her tears, wet against his chest, and wishes he could kiss them from her face. "Lily, I promise. I'll—"

Very gently, Lily pulls away from him. "It's when you chose them, in case you're wondering."

"What?"

"When you chose them, Severus, that's when you lost me. It wasn't because you called me a—"

"B—but I haven't chosen anyone!"

"Yes, you have. You know you have, and so do I. I just don't know why."

Severus is surprised as Lily turns her back on him to retrieve her wand. _She trusts me_.

For one, heady moment, he feels like he's on firm ground, like he's not about to lose the only friend, the only girl, he's ever loved.

" _Lumos!_ "

Severus squints against the light from Lily's wand. "What are you doing? Someone might see us."

"You set charms against being heard, I imagine."

Severus wishes that she wouldn't.

"I rather doubt anyone's awake at this hour to see us, but I need you to see me."

"All right," he says, taking a step towards her.

Lily takes one step back. "I've really missed you, Sev, I have."

Severus' sudden smile is tremulous; he holds his breath.

"But you've made your choice, and I've made mine. The Dark Lord is rising, and I am going to fight him."

Severus breathes out an explosive string of desperate words. "Lily, you can't! He's too dangerous! It's better to go along than be destroyed!"

She crosses her arms."Whatever you may think, he's not your friend."

"Lily, you have to—"

"I was, but—"

"Lily, no. Don't say—"

"—it's time to choose sides, and I can't choose yours."

Severus wants to tell her to choose him, then, but how can he say that to her when she doesn't know his plan? Severus knows that, if he can prove his worth to the Dark Lord, if he can learn from him, he'll be able to protect Lily from what's to come. 

_I'll be able to protect us both, and then she'll be mine. She'll have to be mine_.

That's his plan. It's simple. It's elegant.

 _It's going to drive her away unless you explain it to her_ , he thinks, watching Lily compose herself.

"Goodbye, Severus. Please reconsider whatever you're plan—please," she says, stopping to take a deep, heaving breath, "p—please just b—be careful. Just, just . . . ."

"Just what, Lily?" he calls after her.

But her only response is the shaking of her head as she walks away from him.

"Lily, I . . . I love you." He says the words when she's almost out of sight.

On the breeze, comes a faint answer. "I love you, too, but it's not enough, now."

He runs forward. "All I want is to learn! All I want is to protect—"

_Whoo-ooo-hoo! Ooo-ooo-who!_

But for the owl, it's suddenly silent. Lily is gone. The moon is full. Severus resents its cold, harsh light. For a moment, all he can do is tremble. And then, his hope rises again.

 _No, Lily loves me. She told me that she loves me_. "It's not too late. It can't be!"

"It bloody well is late!" snarls Petunia, pushing her way through the bushes beside him. "You didn't say anything to Lily about us, did you? I only just managed to miss her."

"I . . . I shagged you." Severus can't believe that he only just shagged Petunia; it feels as if it happened ages ago, and to someone else entirely.

Her smile is mean and sharp as she passes him. "Bully for you, but I think it's fair to say that we shagged each other—and you'd best not say anything about that at all," she demands, pushing at the ground with one foot.

Severus is too drained to argue with her. "Lose something?"

Petunia issues a sharp, mirthless bark. "Yes, and you, too, I think. . . . Ah!" Bending down, she retrieves a hair comb. "Mum gave me that. 'Night."

"What?"

"Oh, for the love of—well, since we did shag, goodnight, then."

The tears on Severus' face dry into patches of itchiness as he watches Petunia walk away, but he doesn't see her retreating form, not really.

 _Lily. Oh, Lily, I'm so sorry_.

Severus sniffs and wipes a sleeve across his nose, and the lingering scent of Lily's strawberry shampoo spell curls up into his nose and chokes him.


End file.
